


One Step Closer to Sane

by saucyminx



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Insanity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-23
Updated: 2011-05-23
Packaged: 2017-10-28 05:52:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/304445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saucyminx/pseuds/saucyminx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen has just begun work at a mental institute and there’s one patient that he can’t help but be drawn too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Step Closer to Sane

“So, uh, should I be like, careful around any of them? Any I should not get close enough to touch?” Jensen peered through the window of the swinging doors. The large, white walled room was remarkably plain but the people scattered about where anything but. There was a blonde by the window, drawing designs with his finger on the glass. And a red head doing somersaults until one of the other attendants snatched her arm.

Christian at his side snorted and leaned against the wall, arms folding over his chest. “Jensen, you did get the memo that this is a _nuthouse_ right? You should be careful of everyone, and really, touching as little as possible is the smartest decision.”

Swallowing thickly, he rubbed along the back of his neck and scanned the patients. Why he had let Christian convince him into taking this job was beyond him. He was _not_ the tough bad ass like Christian, if a patient attacked him he was totally screwed. Jensen’s gaze locked on a shaggy haired brunette across the room, sitting in a chair and staring out one of the wide windows. He didn’t look so bad.

“Who’s that guy?” He gestured toward the man, brows drawing together in confusion. It didn’t seem like the man had any particular reason or need to be here. But then, what did Jensen really know about insanity?

“Oh, Jared.” Christian smirked and bumped their shoulders together. “No hooking up with the crazies Jensen, it’s a rule.”

Jensen rolled his eyes and punched his fist hard into Christian’s arm. “I was just being curious. I should know the patients. So, Jared. What’s wrong with him?”

“He’s crazy.” Christian smirked once more and stepped away from Jensen’s swinging fist. “He doesn’t talk, never, to anyone. We all have these theories about what he did, like maybe he killed his dog or something.”

Brows arching, Jensen took a step back from the door and rubbed along his arm nervously. “Killed his dog?”

Christian shrugged, clearly amused by Jensen’s wide eyes. “Who knows? I bet you ten bucks you can’t get him to talk to you by the end of the day.”

“That’s stupid.” Jensen huffed, but he liked bets, and he wanted to win because Christian was kind of an ass. “If I get him to talk to me, even just a hi, you wash my car.”

“And if he doesn’t - which he won’t - you clean my apartment.” Christian laughed and pushed Jensen forward. “Get your ass to work. I gotta start dishing out pills.”

Jensen felt the first flare of nerves and he watched Christian walk off before swallowing thickly and turning to the rec room. This seemed like a really bad decision, he should just quit and admit defeat. Of course, knowing how Christian lived, Jensen would probably spend the rest of his life cleaning the man’s apartment if he gave up now, so...

Fighting against the lingering nerves, Jensen pushed through the swinging doors and slowly moved into the room. It wasn’t as hard, or terrifying, as he thought it would be. The first patient he spoke to was named Nikki and she spent five minutes telling him about the stars talking to her, Jensen found it remarkably easy to nod and smile and go along with it.

He helped another patient gather up some colored pencils he dropped, then yet another pick out the _right_ apple from the bowl along the side table. If this was going to be his job - basically babysitting for a higher income - Jensen could be okay with that.

Half an hour after entering the room Jensen found himself standing beside Jared. The man was still staring out the window only closer up Jensen realized the reason he hadn’t moved was due to the fact he was restrained, wrists strapped to the arms of the wheelchair he sat in. Jensen’s eyes widened slightly and he hesitated, once more swallowing a burst of nerves.

“Hey there,” he said softly, glancing toward the doors, leaning slightly toward Jared. “I’m Jensen, I’m new here. Maybe you could help me out?”

Jared blinked a few times in the bright light that was streaming through the windows. A nice voice the man had. But no one spoke to Jared, not anymore. Moving his eyes slightly, he caught a glimpse of the man out of the corner of his eyes. He liked him almost instantly. Freckles were good. Bad people didn't generally have freckles. It meant that the man liked sunlight.

Taking a long, slow breath, Jared tilted his head and looked up at the man.

“Well,” Jensen paused, smiling down at Jared. It seemed like a good sign, that the man was at least looking at him, so Jensen reached behind him for a chair and spun it, straddling the seat and grinning. “I figure with the way everyone else was acting, you seem like the smartest guy in here. Maybe you could give me a few pointers, let me know who I should avoid. Especially the orderlies,” he added in an undertone, leaning closer to Jared and dropping his voice to a whisper, “wouldn’t want to piss off any co-workers.”

Jared lifted his shoulder slightly to try and ward off the man's breath. It was warm, sweet and his voice was like water trickling down Jared's aching flesh. Turning his gaze away, Jared sighed. The man was nice. There had been others who were nice but they were just strangers when it came down to it and Jared wasn't a fan of strangers. Strangers made things go wrong.

Sitting back slightly, Jensen’s smile softened and he lifted his shoulder in a shrug. “Hey that’s okay. I’m sure I can figure it out. Maybe we can develop a sign. If you see me getting close to someone dangerous you can let me know.” Jensen dug into his pocket and pulled out a Werther’s Caramel. “You want a caramel?”

Jared blinked a few times and glanced down at the candy. It was sweet - he knew it - and his mouth started watering right away. Small candies were one of those things that he wasn't allowed, nothing he could choke on. Turning his head again, slowly he pulled at the restraints and sighed.

“Oh right, I could see how that would be an issue.” Jensen’s smile softened and he unwrapped the caramel, sliding closer to Jared. “Don’t tell anyone,” he murmured and reached out, sliding the candy between Jared’s lips. Probably not the smartest thing to do, give candy to a restrained patient on his first day, but he didn’t see the harm in being nice to the guy.

Jared sucked the candy into his mouth and slipped it under his tongue to savor it. The sweet rushed through his mouth and he couldn't help smiling slightly. Rolling his bottom lip into his mouth, he closed his eyes for a few moments and concentrated on the flavor; caramel, rich and almost spicy. It was surprising how easy it was to forget simple things.

“Good yeah?” Jensen smiled and grabbed his own candy, popping it into his mouth. “I never gave it to you.” Rubbing along the back of his neck, Jensen looked down at the restraints pinning Jared’s wrists and sighed softly. “You don’t seem like someone who’d want to hurt anyone. They always keep you in those?”

Rolling the candy around in his mouth, Jared looked up at the stranger ... _Jensen_. He nodded his head slowly. Jared had never hurt anyone deliberately; it was just that sometimes things got confusing-and people were trying to hurt him. It was okay then, he thought, to fight back.

He watched as Jensen looked around the room. The man's eyes were alert, a sparkling green colour like they were made of some kind of glass. Jared liked them. Tugging at the restraints again Jared wrinkled his nose and looked wide-eyed over at Jensen.

Watching Jared squirm, Jensen frowned for a moment then laughed softly, shifting closer. “Does your nose itch?” When Jared nodded, Jensen slowly reached out. “May I?” Once more Jared nodded, this time slower and Jensen swallowed thickly scratching over the man’s nose until he stopped squirming. “Better?”

Jared licked his lips, glanced over at Mr. Kane then back at Jensen. "Thanks," he whispered.

The smile that exploded on Jensen’s face nearly hurt and he tried to school it back before he officially freaked Jared out. “You’re welcome. Better go do some work before they fire me on my first day. I’ll see you around, yeah?”

Jared smiled sadly and dropped his gaze to his lap again. There was no point in pretending that someone like Jensen would remember him. He was doing his job. Inside his mind there was a safer place; a quiet place where he couldn’t get hurt.

Stopping just beside the man, Jensen looked around the room then slowly reached out, loosening Jared’s restraint just enough he could slip his hand free. When Jared’s eyes shot up to him Jensen smiled softly and wet his lips. “I’m putting my faith in you that you won’t get me in trouble by doing that. You gonna play good?” It just didn’t seem fair to keep someone so nice tied up.

Chin tilted up, Jared nodded and half-smiled; he left his hand where it was but stretched out his fingers and turned his wrist slightly. "Thanks," he said again.

“You’re welcome Jared.” Jensen’s smile was soft, lingering for a moment. Then Christian was calling out for him and Jensen turned, heading across the rec room. As it turned out, Jared was a nice guy, and now Christian had to wash his car. It was a win-win.

-=-=-=-

It started because Jared's sheets were all wrong. It was different. The bed wasn't made the way it usually was. He tugged and pulled and tried to get it to feel _right_ ; feel the way it was supposed to feel. Restless and frustrated he flopped around in the bed until his hospital pants were twisted uncomfortably.

When his head started to ache, Jared slipped out of bed and tugged at the cover then pulled the sheets off and balled it up as he stood at the bottom of the bed. Holding the blanket close to his chest he scratched at the back of his hand. It was frustrating; he just wanted to sleep and the bed was all wrong.

"Fuck!" Jared's yell echoed in his room and he walked backwards from the bed until he bumped hard against the wall by the door. The _locked_ door. The door they locked every night even though Jared just wanted to sleep. He could feel tears on his cheeks, hot, wet and annoying and swiped at them with the rough blanket.

"Help," he whispered. His voice was trapped in his throat, caught vice-like. A tremble started low in his body and Jared slid down the wall as a sob caught in his throat. His eyes burned, he was _so_ tired.

The sound of soft cries, steadily growing louder, was enough to cause Jensen to pause. He glanced over at the room, his brows drawing together in confusion. That was Jared’s room, he was pretty sure, and the cries sounded more pained, _horrible_.

“Jared?” Jensen fumbled from the ring of keys on his belt, quickly sliding through them to find the master key. “Hey, Jared, it’s okay, I’m coming.”

His hand was shaking by the time he had the door unlocked. He pushed it opened and stepped inside, looking around and spotting Jared, a crumbled ball on the floor. Jensen’s heart lurched painfully and he let the door fall closed, sliding forward and dropping to his knees in front of the patient. “Jared? I- I’m gonna touch you. Is that okay?” He wasn’t sure if the man was injured but he had to look him over, just to be safe.

Unable to catch his breath Jared looked up at the man in front of him. He remembered him, _Jensen_. Candies in his pocket, eyes like glass. A sob caught in Jared's throat and he nodded-vaguely aware that Jensen had asked him something.

Tentatively reaching out Jensen ran his fingers down Jared’s arm, gently pulling him forward and scanning over his body. As far as he could tell there were no cuts, there was no blood. It was a relief, even if Jensen was left wondering what the hell was going on. “Jared? You want to tell me what happened? Did you have a nightmare?” He wouldn’t be too surprised about it, Jensen wanted to comfort the man who was obvious in some pain, physical or not.

Shaking his head furiously, Jared gripped Jensen's sleeve and tucked himself closer. It was hard, his body was too long, too big. He pushed the blanket aside, bare feet scuffing against the floor as he tried to press closer to the wall and Jensen at the same time. "Tired," he half sobbed.

“Okay, alright, let’s get you back in bed then.” Jensen hesitated a moment then wrapped his arms around Jared, slowly stroking his hair. He was sure there was protocol for this kind of thing but Jared was hurting so badly, Jensen couldn’t leave him.

Jared's arms slid around Jensen's middle and he clung to him. He couldn't remember the last time someone had held him; the last time someone had tried to make things better. Burying his face in the man's neck, Jared sobbed quietly. The bed was still wrecked and uncomfortable and he wanted to just go outside and run. Run and run and run until he just collapsed.

Dropping back on the floor, Jensen held Jared close, half dragging him onto his lap and cradling the man. It was a little crazy-no pun intended-to be holding this man who was so much bigger than him, but how could he possibly push him away? “You’re gonna be okay Jared,” Jensen whispered, fingers sliding through the patient’s hair. On impulse alone Jensen pressed his lips to Jared’s temple, hoping he was providing some type of comfort.

Coughing a little, Jared felt himself relaxing slightly against Jensen's chest. He was still holding the man's scrubs so tightly that his hands were aching. Closing his eyes Jared breathed in slowly. Jensen smelled clean and fresh, outside; it was all different smells and something different, a musky flesh smell that Jared liked. "S'messed up," he said.

His lips moved against Jensen's neck and Jared could taste his own tears and the other man's skin.

Jensen tensed, his eyes fluttering open at the soft touch of Jared’s lips. This wasn’t good. “W-what? What’s messed up?” That shouldn’t be what he was asking. Or saying. He should be pushing Jared away, and telling him how inappropriate this behavior was.

"Bed," Jared murmured. _So tired_ and Jensen was _so warm_. "Made wrong," he whispered. Jared tensed, waiting for the laughter he was so sure would come. It always came. No one understood.

For a moment Jensen thought he’d heard wrong, but when Jared didn’t change his tone he cleared his throat and nodded. “Okay, well, let’s make it right then yeah? Can you show me how to make it the right way?” Seemed like an easy enough problem to fix.

Sitting up slightly, Jared sniffed and stared into Jensen's eyes. "Yeah?"

“Yeah. Come on, we’ll fix it up.” Jensen’s smile grew as he stood, helping Jared to his feet. “So, what did they do wrong?” If Jared losing sleep and breaking down in sobs all came from the bed being wrong, Jensen would be sure to check it each night. After all, in the past few weeks he’d seen weirder things and yeah, he kind of liked Jared.

"The bottom," Jared said softly. He dropped his left hand from Jensen's scrubs but held on with the other. Pointing toward the bottom of the bed Jared ducked his head down and averted his gaze. "It wasn't tucked in. Not one piece. Like a box. A cloth box and nothing can get in."

“Okay so, we have to tuck it in? So nothing can get in?” Jensen looked toward Jared, hoping his eyes didn’t look as sad as he suddenly felt. _God_ what had hurt Jared so badly in the past? Or who? “Easy enough.” Jensen smiled and nodded, heading for the bed.

Taking time to make sure the sheet was impossibly tight, Jensen tucked around each corner, securing it into place and leaving just the open end undone. His gaze shifted to Jared and he held out a hand. “Wanna get in? Then I’ll tuck the sheet around you. It’ll make it even more secure.”

Jared's lips twitched into a slight smile and he wiped his sleeve across his face. Nodding, he padded over to the bed and sat down. "You're kind," he said softly.

“Just being me.” Jensen shrugged, watching Jared for a moment and reaching out, tucking hair behind his ear. “I think you could use someone kind.” Their eyes met and Jensen was moving before he could think better of it. At the last moment he managed to swerve and his lips just brushed the edge of Jared’s.

Clearing his throat, Jensen straightened up and looked away. “You ready to slide into bed?”

Jared fingers brushed his lips where Jensen's had been moments before and he nodded. Pushing the covers back carefully, Jared slipped his feet under them and scooted down. "I wish I'd known you before..."

When his head hit the pillow, he slid his arms over his chest and breathed slowly while Jensen moved around the bed. “Wasn’t always like this,” Jared whispered.

“No? Well then, maybe you won’t always be.” Jensen could feel the sadness in Jared’s words and he wondered what it must feel like, to be crazy enough to end up in a place like this. Jensen bent down and slid the rest of the sheet into place, snatching Jared’s blanket a moment later. “And the blanket? Tucked in too?”

"Tucked in too," Jared said softly. He loosened his grip on his own body and nestled down in the bed. Everything felt right, better, more peaceful. "I'm sorry, Jensen."

“Hey now, no apologizing. Sometimes I just want to cry too, you know, when things get too rough.” Jensen smiled up at Jared as he started tucking the blanket around the edges.

Once Jared was secured he stepped up to the man’s bed side and reached out, brushing his fingers through the wisps of hair covering Jared’s temple. He’d been touching the man far too much, he was sure of it. “Gonna get some good sleep now?”

Jared's smile warmed and he turned his head enough to press his lips to Jensen's wrist. "Thank you," he said as his lashes fell heavy to his cheeks.

“You’re welcome,” Jensen whispered, staring down at Jared, even after the man had clearly fallen asleep. Jensen’s heart was clenching, his skin tingling, and he only managed to tear away when something sharp prick along his eyes.

This was ridiculous. Jensen would blame it on sympathy, bonding with Jared, hurting for him. Because there was no way he was falling for a patient in a nut house, that wasn’t even a possibility.

If Jensen said it enough he’d surely believe it.

-=-=-=-

“You know you’re pathetic right?”

Jensen looked over the edge of his coffee mug, his eyes widening as he took in Christian’s words. “Excuse me?”

“You’re pathetic.” When Jensen simply continued to stare Christian blew out an annoyed breath and jerked his head in the general direction of the rec room. “Jared.”

Automatically Jensen tensed at the name and he lowered his mug, schooling his expression to something blank. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh come on. We all know how he’ll only talk to you. He’s been here _years_ Jensen and he never talked to anyone. You’ve been here two, three months? And he’s a regular chatter box around you. Lord knows what the hell he talks to you about all the time.”

In truth, Jared didn’t really talk about any one specific thing. Sometimes it was simply random thoughts, this and that; sometimes it didn’t even make sense. Sometimes though, it was haunting and dark and Jensen wanted to pull Jared close and hide him away from those memories. He still had no idea what happened in Jared’s past, and he wasn’t so sure he was prepared to find out what it was.

No matter how all the facts stood, Jensen didn’t like what Christian was implying. Mainly because of how true it might be. “He just needs someone to talk to Christian, you should be glad he found that in me.”

“And how do you explain popping in his room every night to tuck him in?” Christian’s brows were arched so high it looked kind of painful.

Clearing his throat, Jensen shifted uncomfortably and looked away. “He has trouble sleeping if his blankets aren’t a certain way.”

“So I guess that explains why you’ve left a fucking _list_ on the bulletin board for how to make his bed.” Christian scoffed and dropped forward, hand smacking on the table. “Dangerous fucking ground my friend.”

It wasn’t like Jensen didn’t know this. He knew just how easy it was to smile when Jared looked up and caught his eye. He knew how he thought about the man late at night, lying in bed, wondering if Jared was managing to find any sleep at all, if he was having nightmares. He was _perfectly_ fucking aware how his heart sped up when their skin touched.

Jensen felt like a disgusting pervert, taking advantage of Jared without even doing anything. It was twisted and wrong and it was no wonder Christian was looking at him like _that_.

“Christian,” Jensen started, paused, cleared his throat and tried again. “You know, I care for the guy. I don’t know why he chose to open up to me, but I’m glad he did. If I can help one person, just one in this entire place, I’m glad it’s him. He needs it. And okay, maybe sometimes my feelings are, not quite right, but I would _never_ do anything to him here. He doesn’t need that, and I don’t want to fuck him up any more than he is. So, can you just believe that?”

Christian stared at him for a long moment, his lips slowly lifting in a sad smile. Eventually his hand came to settle on Jensen’s and he sighed. “Believe it or not, I was actually worried about _you_. Don’t forget he could hurt you just as easily Jensen. I know how easily you tend to fall.”

Jensen’s eyes widened in surprise at the concern in Christian’s eyes, it was at least nice to know his friend didn’t think he was gonna snap and rape Jared or something, just _thinking_ that made him feel sick. “I’ll be careful, I promise. I think in his own way, Jared cares for me too.”

There was a bell that echoed the halls, a sign that lunch was over for the patients, and Jensen pushed up to his feet. He’d been talking to the in house therapist and she seemed more than pleased that Jared had opened up toward Jensen. Part of her encouraging his progress was allowing him more freedom whenever Jensen was around to calm him down, like the time the week before when Mitch had fallen onto Jared on the couch and the man had nearly lost it.

Jensen had gladly calmed him before he could throw a coffee table over and had even managed to keep Jared out of lock up for the day. Now Jensen had a surprise for Jared and he hurried out of the room, calling a goodbye to Christian over his shoulder.

Jared was just coming out of the lunch room, hands stuffed in his pockets, head tipped down. Smiling softly, Jensen stepped up to Jared’s side and gently touched his elbow. “Hey, guess what?”

Smile slowly growing on his face, Jared lifted his gaze. “Hmm? You’re going to bring me chocolate cake?”

Groaning, Jensen tipped his head back then laughed. “I should never have promised that damn cake. You won’t let me forget until I finally cave and sneak it in for you huh?” Jensen grinned at the man, already reaching into his pocket and slipping out the mini-Snickers he’d snuck in for Jared. “Shh. But this isn’t my surprise.”

Palming the candy bar, Jared grinned and brushed his hair back off his forehead as he slipped his hands back into his pockets. "What's the surprise?" He looked forward to the days when Jensen worked now. Just being near Jensen made Jared feel more grounded, calmer. Jared had even begun writing things down again in his journal and in a very bold move just the day before had handed it over to his therapist briefly.

“Dr. Mitchell said it’d be okay to take you outside on a walk today through the courtyard.” Jensen’s smile was slightly apprehensive. After all, he’d learned Jared hadn’t been outdoors for over two years, and that time hadn’t gone so well. “If you want to go, if not, that’s okay, we can go some other time.”

“Really?” Jared’s eyes snapped to Jensen’s and widened. He’d only had fresh air through the windows and the indoor courtyard for so long. “Where the flowers are? And those cherry trees that Carlton brags about?”

“Yeah. We could sit under them, in the shade. Or we could go around the small lake, see the ducks.” Jensen’s smile grew. It seemed like Jared was going to be okay with this and it felt like a huge step. Jensen shouldn’t be thinking about Jared getting out of here so they could _be_ something, but some part of his heart was already hopelessly attached.

Holding out his hand, Jensen met Jared’s eyes, feeling like this one moment would somehow change the rest of his life. “So, what do you think, wanna take a walk outside with me?”

Jared thought back over how things had changed; how for the first time in years he felt like he had _hope_. "I think I would like that, Jensen."


End file.
